Co-sleeping...

Co-sleeping isn't for everyone & there's so many against it... But it is for me & I'm all for it. I don't think that I could live any other way. 

A few weeks ago a friend posted a video link on FB about co-sleeping & why it is bad... Which really hit me in the face and made me truly realize why I co-sleep, still, even though Brayden is 15 months old... 

I'm terrified. 

I am absolutely terrified of putting him into a different room than me & going to sleep. 

Ryan left for England one morning. 

I spoke to him that evening. 

I went to bed. 

Everything was fine. 

I woke up & was being notified that my husband was dead. 

If I never would have let him go. If I would have fought harder to get him off of that TDY. He would still be here. 

I am so incredibly scared of losing my son. 

I am so scared of putting Brayden to bed one night, in his own bed, in his own room, away from me, everything is fine.. & waking up to him gone, too. 

In my mind, keeping him with me and not letting him go, is protecting him. 

Nothing that normal working minds could understand or make sense out of... But that's the way it is. 

I can't lose my son, too. I keep him close to me because I'm terrified. 

One day, this too shall pass.........