No title, just writing...

On the night of your visitation, it was incredibly busy. There were so many people. They filled the entire guest book!

As stated in my other writing, your wishes were to have a closed casket. I did just that. I don't think it made all of your family happy, but it's about what you wanted. You didn't look like you, at all, to me anyway..so I don't think they wanted to see you.

Anyway. So many people came! There were fire trucks surrounding the funeral home just in case WBC decided to show up. One of the fire trucks was flying a huge flag. The Patriot Riders were posted up all around the funeral home. They also escorted you from Knoxville all the way to the funeral home. Everyone was so wonderful. Secretary's from political office's came to deliver me letters, Blue Star Mother's came, lots of your Offutt family came! Major C flew in from Germany..MSgt. B came, which was a surprise but was incredibly touching! It was quite overwhelming. I even tried to hide in the back, several times. But people kept finding me back there, so there was no point to keep trying. I talked to so many people, and honestly, I don't remember who I talked to and who just showed up. People introducing themselves to me who had gone to church with you when you were little, neighbors, family of family, friends of friends...It was just incredible and overwhelming. It was very humbling to know how many lives that you have touched. I knew you were amazing, but everyone else knew it too. And I was shown that this night and the day of your burial. I even tried to bring the dogs in to "visit" you, but they wouldn't allow it. They were your babies! And I was determined for them to get to visit you one last time...

So many people from your military career, coined you. Left coins to be put with you. Y even left his cable tools! His leatherman, snips and blade. TSgt. L & MSgt B left their coins that had been engraved with their names on them, even. So instead of me just sitting this huge bag of coins in there with you, and being done with it...I asked Major C to coin you. You took pride in  being coined, and being coined by commanders, so I felt it would mean more if your commander coined you. He took 2 coins out of the back, the squadron coin, and the Cable Dawg coin (I believe just those 2.) - And what happens next, I wish more than anything I would have videoed. (I think that's frowned upon, though.)

Major C stepped up to you, lifted your service jacket, found the pocket, and with his left hand placed the 2 coins inside the pocket inside your service jacket. He fixed the jacket back straight. He then placed the entire back of coins by your legs. He stood up straight, & raised his hand to his forehead, for a perfect salute. At this point...I was balling. (And am again now..) He stepped back (all in military marching style!), did a full turn and stepped back to the front row of seating. This is when I asked them to go ahead and close the casket. While they closed the casket, and fixed the flag over it....Major C stood there and saluted the entire time. It really was touching, and it wasn't what I expected in asking Major C to coin you, but it was beautiful and heartfelt.

I was the first one to see you that day, and I was the last one to leave you that night. I wish I never would have had to leave you. I wish they would have let me lay down right there beside you, and sleep next to you just one more time.

The following day, I was again the first one inside. Before the service began, I walked behind your casket, and sat on the step next to the podium where no one could see me. I sat there with my hand up under the flag, on the casket, and my  head leaning on the casket and just cried. I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to take you to your final resting place, where I truly would never be able to physically touch you, or see you again. I didn't want to. I wanted to keep you. No one would let me. Something about it being morbid and illegal. Whatever. I wanted to anyway! When the music started playing, that was my cue that it was starting and I needed to get up and be seated. So I lifted the flag a little more, and kissed the casket. And this is where the flag started slipping off the front side of the casket, I grabbed it as quickly as possible with both hands. I was assured by your cousin, that it never touched the ground. Thank goodness. Can you imagine how embarrassing that was when I stood up, and the entire room was full? When I sat down back there, it was empty! That was almost a disaster.

The service was beautiful. I didn't plan it. I told D to do whatever he felt. I'd never planned a funeral, I'd never even thought about it. So, he did. Songs were sung. D's preaching was amazing. And I even asked Major C to speak. Most of the people there had not seen/been around you since HS, and I wanted everyone to get a glimpse at how you've grown. At your career. At the kind of man you became. Major C was able to make that very clear to everyone. My, oh my, how amazing you are! At the end, ALL of the Patriot Guard Riders lined up in couples and came down the aisle...Stepping up to your casket. If they were prior military, they saluted you. If they were not, they stood their with their hand across their heart. That is something else I wish I would have videoed. It was so very beautiful. This went on for about 5 minutes, until each and every last one of them stepped up to bid their last farewell, to you.

The procession line to Harlan was over a mile long. At one point, about 2 miles. So many police cars, Patriot Guard Riders... Going into Harlan was a sight that I will never forget. A feeling that I will never forget. A truly, truly humbling experience that made everyone cry. People were lined up on the roads, of all ages. Waving American flags. Holding signs saying "We love you Ryan!" or "Thank you for your service" - These people did not know you! Businesses must have put their businesses on hold, because employees were standing alongside the road. Saluting, hand over their heart, waving, holding a flag...Something. Nurses in scrubs outside the hospital, Walmart employees, Long John Silver employees..Those are the ones that still out to me at the moment. The Challenge Academy men/women were lined up, stood there saluting as we drove by. I read an article where someone said.. "It was a breathtaking and remarkable thing to see. Literally hundreds of folks stopped dead in traffic or lining the route, standing at attention and many waving the American flag."

It was overwhelming. Breathtaking. Amazing. Beautiful. Honorable. There was so much respect, and gratitude.

Once we got there, and everything was over....All I could do was sit on the ground next to you, and lean on you. I was not ready. I still am not. I still want to dig you up and keep you. See you again. Touch you again. I'm not okay with any of this. I am not okay with what I had to do. I miss you. I need you. I want you back. This is not the way we planned our future. This is not the way we planned having a baby together. This is not how it was supposed to be, and it is definitely not what you deserved. What I deserved or what your son deserved!

Procession Video I found on Youtube...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gh2jKknRxo&feature=youtu.be

#1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6y3QDjZV64

#2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjnXhoKUQiA

 YES. The flag is backwards in this picture, it was corrected & fixed, but someone took this picture before it was fixed. The funeral home is at fault on this one!