Tonight, I'm thinking of so many different things, all across the board.
Therapy.
I believe it's helping. It's 45 minutes where I can do nothing but sit and cry & that's okay. I can say anything that I need and want to say, and that's okay! Even if not a word was spoken the entire session & all it consisted of was me crying, it would still help.
I'm learning boundaries. I've been slowly pushing negativity farther & farther away from me, and it's an important step to take in working on getting myself better. I make myself sound crazy, sick, diseased, or something. Grief has made me crazy. True story.
I will soon start pushing more negatives out of my life and letting people know.. I love you & I want you in my life, but, I cannot be apart of negativity while trying to work on myself.
Last night, I wanted to give up.
I wanted to be done with it all.
I voiced that very clearly to Luke.
It was one of those days, that knocks me around like a punching bag.
I am so so SO very tired of doing this alone.
This was never the way my life was supposed to be.
I feel like I took the wrong turn at some point, and if i could find a place to do a U-turn, maybe it would fix it all. Heh. I know. I know.
For 16 months, I have done this alone.
Alone.
By myself.
I make sure that 5 living beings are taken care of every single day.
Kuddos to others that do it with grace, and others that take care of more.
This is enough for me.
And how it hasn't managed to kill me yet, well, I'll never know.
Wedding planning "officially" kicked off last night when we had our first official meeting (via skype) with our amazing wedding planner! I'm so blessed to have had come across so many wonderful people in this journey! Also, 1 bridesmaid dress was ordered today as a "tester dress".... We'll see how I like them! I hope it is perfect!
Last ramble... I need a house. Now.
Too. Much. Stuff.
Dogs. Need. A. Yard.
3rd. Floor. Apartments. SUCK!
I'm working on this.
The end.
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